I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...you know the rest

Through my life, I've always had a sunny disposition. I've always been positive and determined. If I was met with a challenge, I took it on without the thought of failure. Sure, people get nervous and are naturally fearful of something new, but you take a deep breath, dive in and learn to swim. During the last few days, I've had a near crippling amount of doubt about my abilities as a producer. It's frustrating, but it comes from within me. There isn't anyone to blame, no godly forces shaping my path - I just colapsed. 'I can't do it' has never been in my vocab. 'I'm not sure' or 'let me think about it' are - but never 'I can't.' Well, that line of thinking has been plaguing me for the last few days, and it's time to stop. What happened to that idealist that looked for the possibilities? She's still there, but the staunch realist that lives next door keeps on pestering her. I don't know how Ron deals with me sometimes, but he's been so kind and patient. Much love, homie.

Has anyone gone through this before? Seriously, I'm not looking for sympathy. I would just like to know if other people are as crazy as I am :) It's really is a strange feeling and only today am I starting to see how this is affecting me. I've come this far, and there's more road ahead!!!

It's going to be a picnicing weekend - Saturday afternoon is Dad's birthday, which means picnic and putt-putt, then in the evening is a Motor City Ryan BBQ. Tonight, I plan on enjoying an ice cold Rolling Rock on my front stoop. Word.