I've got beef...well done?

Okay, most would say I'm pretty removed from the hip hop culture, being raised in suburia and all, but I have a couple problems with some current urban euphemisms.

1. "Retarded" - as in "Let's Get Retarded" the real version of the NBA theme song by the Black Eyed Peas. RETARDED??? SERIOUSLY?? Do you really want us to wear helmets and run into walls, have our caregivers constantly wipe our chin and help us shop at CVS? 'Stupid' is one thing, more acceptable, if you will. But the images that 'retarded' conjure up don't fit with raising your hands up and getting buck wild. Let's get retarded...the more the chorus is repeated, the weaker my knees get as I collaspe with laughter.

2. "Cheese" - first with grain (bread), now dairy? Every time I hear P. Diddy Pop get frustated with his bo as he reminds her that he gives her extra 'cheese,' I keep thinking about quarter pounders. Why not stick with something that really pops, like 'ice' or 'bling'? Cheese? It's what mice eat, not what you exchange for goods and services.

This, my friends, is why I will never be cool.

Also, has anyone ever been to one of those Medieval Times restuarants? I've only seen them in movies and on TV, but can you actually get a Pepsi in a wooden mug, served by a wench before you attend a post-dinner jousting or execution? I've got to know.

Improve tonight, HIVES TOMORROW. According to Spin, best live band on the planet. I'm game.