I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...you know the rest

Through my life, I've always had a sunny disposition. I've always been positive and determined. If I was met with a challenge, I took it on without the thought of failure. Sure, people get nervous and are naturally fearful of something new, but you take a deep breath, dive in and learn to swim. During the last few days, I've had a near crippling amount of doubt about my abilities as a producer. It's frustrating, but it comes from within me. There isn't anyone to blame, no godly forces shaping my path - I just colapsed. 'I can't do it' has never been in my vocab. 'I'm not sure' or 'let me think about it' are - but never 'I can't.' Well, that line of thinking has been plaguing me for the last few days, and it's time to stop. What happened to that idealist that looked for the possibilities? She's still there, but the staunch realist that lives next door keeps on pestering her. I don't know how Ron deals with me sometimes, but he's been so kind and patient. Much love, homie.

Has anyone gone through this before? Seriously, I'm not looking for sympathy. I would just like to know if other people are as crazy as I am :) It's really is a strange feeling and only today am I starting to see how this is affecting me. I've come this far, and there's more road ahead!!!

It's going to be a picnicing weekend - Saturday afternoon is Dad's birthday, which means picnic and putt-putt, then in the evening is a Motor City Ryan BBQ. Tonight, I plan on enjoying an ice cold Rolling Rock on my front stoop. Word.

End of Days?

I was convinced this weekend to NOT put my blog to rest. I guess if people still want to read what I have to say, go for it. As of late, the last thing I want to do when I get home is get on the computer, and the business at work hasn't allowed for optimum blogging. So I'll be more dedicated. I promise. I still enjoy reading everyone's blog and commenting, so keep on writing and I'll keep on writing.

I'm eager to hear about Lollapalooza from folks who went. For those who did not enjoy disc golfing, I thought everyone did really well! The fun increases the more you play - seriously! Anyway, going over to Barthlow and Sarah on Saturday seriously gave me the property bug. I don't want an apartment anymore. I want more space. I want real furniture and a backyard and a driveway and shrubs! Can I get some shrubs in the house say ho? Ron and I will be getting off our procrastinating behinds and moving forward. We just have to do it! Do it to it!

There will be another Wednesday Fun Night this week - shall we try another game of Ultimate Frisbee?

Vacations are awesome.

I feel so refreshed...not to mention it kicks ass having a three-day work week! It was so nice to have entire days of nothing. Lots of reading, lots of bocce ball (Italian lawn bowling), pontoon boating (the ULTIMATE part boat), fireworks, bonfires, crocheting, Mackinaw Island (Ron and I probably walked four miles - throught the woods, out onto the rocks off Lake Michigan - we almost built a teepee and changed our names to Pine Dancer and Mother of Squirrel)...Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit, Catch Phrase. I love just maxing and relaxing. I am officially starting to make my wares for next summers Gladwin 4th of July Craft Show - shawls, hemp belts, furry scarves, mousepads (what?). My grandpa's wife gave me the pattern for the Martha Stewart shawl. It's supposed to be easy - ha...we'll see. She finished one and it looks great.

Okay, off to go for an evening run. Hope everyone enjoyed their barbeques / fireworks / Tastefesting. And there will be a birthday get together probably next Sunday, WAB-style. Film at 11...

Check out the side bar at left - Ron and I caved and bought new music. The new F of W is really making my ears happy in a BIG, BIG way. They are probably my favorite summer band.