Not 'good-bye,' just 'see ya later'

It has come to the attention of all cool people everywhere that The D will be losing two esteemed and distinguished members - Amber Miller and Chris Boylan. They will be leaving our cold winters and bumper-to-bumper traffic jams to enjoy a new life in radio at Q98FM in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Amber may be a blur on a website today, but come next week, she will be riding on the success of a station ranked #3 in its market. Not a bad way to start things off. In their spare time, they will enjoy Myrtle Beach, their new condo, Cattle Decapiation and Goatwhore. They will be missed. I will definitely miss them - they are some of the best bowling, drinking, not-drinking, concert-going, and funniest people that I know. We will all miss HD Superbowl parties and BBQs and game nights won't be the same without Amber calling me a fucking bitch and Chris making up rules to Catch Phrase or Balderdash (the answer is 'cheese'...and who can forget Monkey Island?). At least we have Coachella.

Sunday night at 6pm: my goal - give Amber and Chris the best send off of their lives by consuming many beers, laughing out loud, and not throwing up. I hope that no one present will throw cigarettes at me, then attempt to pay me five dollars as an apology. You know who you are...

Going up north until Sunday...pontoon boats, ahoy!

Sports Talk

Yes, coming from me, this must seem odd. Unless you are talking about curling (don't be hatin') or beach volleyball, I'm not what most would call a "sports fan." I do, though, enjoy an exciting sporting event. Even though I don't follow the teams, I know the basic rules of basketball, football, baseball - the Big Three. Last night was the first time I'd chosen to sit down and watch a basketball game in over three years, that game being Pistons vs. Pacers, Game 3. You know what? I really enjoyed it! It nice to root for a home team and to see that home team kick some ass. Granted, it was low-scoring ass, but ass none the less. But seriously, how freaking tall are these players? I was totally surprised. Yes, I know it's basketball but these guys were Towers of Power. And I think Tashon Prince is a walking, breathing cartoon. Holy Stretch Armstrong. His arms are as long as my legs. And I think Ben Wallace is abnormally tall. The man is a giant, let's be honest.

The point of all of this (hopefully, this is convincing) is I do enjoy watching sports. I'm not a sports fan, but if you got skillz, you can pay my billz. So if the Pistons make it to the finals, have a championship party and I'll bring the beer!

Hopefully, I'll see all you beautiful people at the WAB on Sunday...rawk.

The Hives Are Law! You Are Crime!

They're coming to Detroit. Read on and find out when their album is finally released!

Sloan - I wish I was Canadian

Highlights from a set of goodies off of "Smeared" all the way to "Action Pact":
1. Patrick shaved his head! The shaggy contract has been broken. He is going gray, though. Acceptable.

2. Chris Murphy helped a heat striken fan in the front row by making sure he was given water and conferring with security. He was a little disappointed that that this fan was not a cute girl. Can you blame him?

3. Twirling drumsticks AND mad drum solos? Check. Chris Murphy took Andrew's kit as far as it could go and lost control during "People of the Sky." Focus, Chris, focus!

4. I got my rock kick at the very end - two in fact, David Lee Roth style!

5. One of the strongest "Slloooooooaaaaannnnn" chants I've heard in recent years.

6. My hands hurt today...so much clapping...so...much...clapping...

7. Much to my surprise, no "Underwhelmed" encore. They did end with "If It Feels Good, Do It," with a fitting intro: "this song is dedicated to you, 'cause this is for people who know what rock and roll is about." Oh, we know. And how!

8. I think I pulled a muscle during "Good In Everyone." That song hurts me every time!

9. I enjoyed the best chicken lemon rice soup pre-show at The Golden Fleece in Greektown with Jackie, Jeff, Lindsay and Ron. Real chicken, people!

10. Realization of the evening: I have grossly underestimated "Between the Bridges." So many classic, catchy tunes, but still very smooth and almost soulful. Sloan has so much material now, it's hard to taste everything.

Speaking of Sloane (Alias, I mean), have I mentioned the REAL reason why I watch that show? One word: Marshall. I laugh out loud every time he is on screen. The writers must have so much fun creating all of the nonsensical tangents he goes off on. You can't have too many lovable nerds on TV.

Okay...back to the real world...Seacrest - out!

Lobster Dayz

Important summer fun tip: if there is low cloud cover and high temperature, this does not mean it's okay to not wear sunscreen. I decided to be a lobster for Halloween five months ahead of schedule. Call me a trendsetter, call me an asshole, either way I'm burned to a crisp. The PGA shoot yesterday was a success, but I paid a price. Ouch.

Good news: I finally found a dress for the Emmys! It's tea length, strappless and I look like I walked out of a 1950s prom. Two days of tireless mall crawling and now, mission accomplished! And I only got it for 65 bucks...score! Anywho, tonight is the night. The night that I get to see my babies out on stage - rock kicks and shaggy hair, Chris Murphy twirling his drumsticks, the siren intro from "Motor City Maniacs" ....AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Say it with me now: Sloooooaaaan! Slooooaaan! Their latest album, "Action Pact" was made for live performance - lots of poppy guitar solos and clap-alongs. It's going to be great. The Kicks open - they're Sloan, Jr. Just take a look! And there is a song off their new album that either myself or Amber added during our time at 91.5 ("Cosmanaut, Cosmanaut / I wanna be an astronaut, oh oh!"). So catchy!

I working on my ultimate band. If you haven't played this game, read about it right now! Guaranteed to entertain!

Mother Nature hates Softball

Listen, Mama N, I know you love beach volleyball and you have a special place in your heart for the Super Bowl, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, CAN YOU LET US PLAY JUST ONE FRIGGIN' GAME OF SOFTBALL??? I don't understand. We're a bunch of rootin', tootin' good ol' boys and girls who never done no one wrong. Why must you hate on us? I've been to the batting cages, I've worked on my pop up abilities. Don't rain on my parade! Eff that...

I get to hang out with golf pros and families tomorrow, talking about how everyone should play golf all the time and that if you don't play golf, you should start right now. We're producing a video for the PGA at the Play Golf America fair in Plymouth and I get to mingle with the people and work on my backswing, except for the fact that I don't play golf. I only enjoy driving golf carts down steep hills. Yeah.

I hope everyone doesn't start swimming down their street, though Chris and Amber need not worry about floods this weekend. Grab a life jacket!

Greatest Ever

After three days, I finally finished watching "The Godfather." Certainly not the first time I'd see it, but goddamn, if that's not the best movie in the history of cinema. I can only make noises to express how great it is. Beyond description. I need a glass of red wine. Good night.

Comic Con Correction

I misspoke. I did not in fact see porn stars. They were ladies in the adult entertainment industry who had posed for Playboy, swimsuit calanders, etc. Bottom line - all their photos either displayed buns or boobs. This, though, does not take away from their scariness. Good Lord. Matt, TRUST ME, you did not want to be there. Not sexy - scary!

Mondays...sheesh...

It's so hard to come back from a kick-ass weekend refreshed and ready to go on Monday. That's no good. So, I make the best of it, since I have disc golf to look forward to tonight. Weekend Recap!

I played the role of 'date' on Friday for a friend's wedding. It was an Italian wedding and that means a five course dinner, flaming desert and lots of back slapping. After all the 'old people' left, the DJ kicked it up a notch and we all got down with out bad selves. Like any smart woman, I wore the wrong shoes, not anticipating the amount of booty that was about to be shaken. We ended up crashing a prom, because people refused to dance after dinner, so we went out searching for signs of Usher and/or Lil' Jon. We found both at the Sterling High School prom where we were invited in my an intoxicated chaparone and began to tear it up on the dance floor. Yep, we were shot glances that screamed "who ARE these old people?" It became awkward ten minutes later, so we bolted. Later that night, I shook it some more at a gay bar. I danced on a stage!

Saturday was a day of unfit parenting. Ron and I are attempting to save out fish from gill disease, so we overhauled and medicated the tank that afternoon, hoping to save the only angel fish we have left; the first two weren't so lucky. Social Services will come knocking on our door any day now. We're not unfit parents - we're doing the best we can! Ron and I hung out and supervised the painting operations at Chez Caurana. So dangerous - he lives right next to the putt-putt/batting cages on 13 Mile. A night of drunken putt-putt is in all of our futures. Yikes. It's a nice place - new kitchen, two bedrooms, a hobbit sink in the bathroom. I dig it.

Sunday was the Motor City Comic Con in Novi. Ron and I walked out with gems from Tank Girl, Flaming Carrot, WildCats 3.0, Y: The Last Man, Fables and Preacher. Last year was a bit more exciting - better statues and action figures, more wild costumes,and it was our first convention. This year, we did see an outstanding Hellboy costume...and porn stars. They are way scary up close. Air brushing sure accomplishes what it sets out to do.

So much to look forward to in the weeks to come: softball, d*pollen festival, Sloan!, Memorial Day weekend, 'Troy' with Rashel...but now I must work. Ho hum...

Later, kool kidz.

Opportunity knocks...

Big news! Most of you already know, a year ago, my old video production professor put my name on a National Endowement of the Humanities grant for a national doc he's producing on renovated 'old-time' movie theaters across the country; he'd have me under a year contract through CMU (yep, I'd get paid for this). He won't know if he's received the grant until June 15th, so I had a meeting at work today, and they are supporting me all the way!!! Aside from two weeks of field production this August and four weeks of travel in early summer 2005, I would be able to work on my lunch break, after work and on weekends booking lodging, logging tapes, giving input on script, and overseeing edits in Mt. P.

I can't express how happy I am that my bosses are giving me the green light...they truly are the best people to work for, and they realize that this opportunity can only help me - they're very proud of me. Deep breath, because he doesn't even have the grant yet. But if he gets it...oh man...my life will be flipped upside down, but I'd love every minute of it.

On a random note: I just found out that the Magic Bag used to be a porno theater until the mid 1980s. A pornography landmark, right in our backyards. Ah, the depth and breadth of Detroit culture!

Am I missing out because I opted to purchase The Pixies "Wave of Mutilation -Greatest Hits" last night? Because really, their entire Coachella concert in on there. I figured this was a good refresher, since their performance in Indio was right on. "Gigantic" makes me walk to do cartwheels in my tiny apartment.

Has anyone heard from Chris and Amber? I thought they would be back in town yesterday. I hope Utah didn't swallow them up...

Looking forward to...

311 - July 7th - DTE Music Theater
Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright - June 20th - JD Ford Theater (formerly Freedom Hill)
Lollapalooza - August 2nd (Day 1) - DTE
Pixies - November 20th - State Theater

Coachella Correction: I had the pleasure of seeing Kinky at Cochella as well and I loved every minute - best band I've never seen live before. The guitarist ran laps around the stage. They played a great mix of rock, funk and salsa. Serves 65,000 at 103 degrees.

Coachella wrap-up...

Okay folks...strap in...(NOTE: If anything having to do with Coachella, California, or fires is not of interest to you, please stop reading now and have a nice day.)

Friday: Experienced time travel by traveling by plane for five hours, only to seemingly arrive at LAX in about two. Thank you, time zones! We land at 11:00am and decide to wander by car through some of the more steamy spots in The City of Angels. Now, this was a big thrill for me because I'm a huge dork and I've never seen so many palm trees before. We drove down Rodeo Drive and looked at all the beautiful people....well, beautiful after thousands of dollars in plastic surgery, but you get the picture. Then we took a rock and roll tour down the Sunset Strip - The Roxy, Black Cat, Viper Room, Whiskey-A-Go-Go, which by the way, are all located within two blocks of each other. We caught glimpses of the Hollywood sign (to which I squealed like a little girl) then headed toward Palm Springs. Less than 24 hours until Coachella... ( NOTE: I'm SO glad that I don't live in LA...too many fake smiles, too much status, too much friggin' smog. I don't like my mountains hazy...).

A fairly simple two hour drive to Palm Springs turned into a four hour crawl as well drove through one of the Orange County fires that ended up being national news....well, we drove through the smoldering aftermath. About one mile of the hilly side of the highway was completely black and the median was still being put out. Wild...Mother Nature just shits on California - floods, earthquakes, fires. She only hates the Midwest four months out of the year when she chills us to the bone with sub-zero weather.

So, we arrive in Palm Springs and begin to physically feel the time difference. All six of us - myself, Ron, Amber, Chris, Jackie and Jeff - wander around downtown Palm Springs. It's pretty cute - girly shops, souvenirs shops, trinket shops. We were all totally exhausted after having a meal of less than decent Mexican food (though the outdoor atmosphere made up for it a little - quaint little Mexican terraza), and we decided to pack it in. We made out plans for the next day, then took to our beds. Time to get ready for the best, and mind-booglingly sweatiest, concerts of our lives.

Coachella - first year both days were sold out. 60,000 people each day. THE HOTTEST I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. It was a true test of human will, and we all aced it. Half of us arrive at about 10am, so Amber and Chris could go to will call. While waiting at the gates, we found a fellow Detroiter and hung out for about an hour. Turns out he knew quite a few local bands and came up to Mt. Pleasant with Broadzilla when Joe Schubert was producing Live From Studio A. We talked bars, the city...in the sea of wackiness, it was nice to start out with some hometown familiarity. But, the best part of that morning, was Coachella Guy. I've told this story a dozen times already...it's great, though I'm tired to telling it. Anyone who wants to know, just throw a comment my way. I'd be happy to. I'll say this: he represents all the American Dream stands for - Coachella Guy.

Day one - Indio, California. 103 degrees. SPF 48 applied generously. Rawk stretched began. Miles left to walk. (NOTE: For the next two days, we had to pick and choose who we wanted to see. Luckily, we had options, but we didn't get any break in between bands...fantastic...)
The Bands:
1. Howie Day - He should have just let the band hang out in the shade. He's truly a one man band acoustic master. Great mellow way to start out the day. I love watching him play. And he's a cutie.
2. The Sounds - This band is channeling Blondie in a big way. Very chick rock, laced with keyboards, and the lead singer is not afraid to use the world "Mother Fucker." Maybe she's been hanging out with Karen O. Good times.
3. Peretz - Yep, it was Perry Farrell of Jane Addiction, who, when he's not having kids or planning Lollapalooza, is a DJ. Apparently, the man loves house music. Dance interlude...
4. Stellastar* - More than made up for the their less than stellar-star performance at the Shelter. Ron is now a fan. Mission accomplished.
5. Trail of Dead - DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE DAY. They tried but they came out sounding tired and crunchy. Sorry, dudes.
6. Junior Senior - I must own this CD. They're from Norway, they mix it up - part church revival, part Motown, part booty shake. They're fat, they're skinny and you'd never think a sound like that could come from men who look like truck drivers. Great. More dancing... (At this time, Beck was on another tent stage. It was ridiculously packed, though it was very interactive with tambourine assistance from the audience. Beck, play a bigger stage!)
7. Death Cab For Cutie - Always a pleasure. Always the sensible musicians - they all wore white suits. Just like your neighbors. I enjoy them every time I see them.
8. "Waiting in line for food" - fucking ridiculous. Over an hour for a hot dog. We missed Desert Sessions, but I need some kosher beef energy.
9. Pixies - clearly the highlight of half the crowd's life. They were great. It made me think I wasn't cool, not knowing very many songs, but it was more of a history lesson for me. I feel enlightening and must now update my back catalog.
10. Radiohead - the most intense show of both days, and the most popular. They were amazing. Dipped into Hail To The Theif, OK Computer, just a dab of Kid A and The Bends, but as a personal request from the Pixies, they played Creep. They haven't done this in years!!! The 'chu-chunk' sound before the chorus was amazing to hear live...and everyone knew they had made the right choice that evening.
11. Electric Six - We were surprised how many people were jumping and fist-pumping to these Detroiters. They were great; the best part - yelling out "WJLB" at the end of Improper Dancing and thanking Radiohead for "opening up for them." Cocky as could be, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
**We got two message from Matt Caurana that night, to effect of "can you guys get me in, I want to come in" and "call me back and play me something!" We wish you were there, Matt!!!
After a two hour drive home (that sucked) we all collasped and vowed to sleep in...our bodies had taken a major hit and we had to recoup.

Day Two - Indio, California. 107 degrees. We all slept in, enjoyed a big IHOP breakfast, and arrived at Coachella at about 2pm. The Bands:
1. Elefant - THE PIRATE LIVES! White suit with a white pirate tie. I knew Diego wasn't going to let me down. He was as arty as ever and they were right on. Whatever this "post-new-retro-wave" sound is called, I dig it completely.
2. Muse - MOST ENTERTAINING OF THE FESTIVAL. Their sound was so powerful and rich, and I had no idea guitars could sound so different - a little Radiohead circa "The Bends", a little Ours, a little Jeff Buckley - give me seconds! All the amps were metal plated, so they could be kicked over and played on, which they were and they did.
3. Thursday - Absolutely one of my favorites, and truly the most passionate of the festival. Geoff Rickely had been sick and in/out of the hospital all that week. Six songs into their set, he collapsed. He was down for about a minute, got back up, proclaimed that because of the Pixies and the Cure they had to finish their set, and did so. The whole set. He was manic and they borough the much deserved hardcore to the main stage. Bravo!
4. Belle and Sebastian - I think I took a nap during them. Like a Scottish Partridge Family or Brady Bunch. Very happy, sweet melodies with some horns thrown in. Good napping music.
5. Air - Their last two albums were good, my personal favorite is still "Moon Safari." They played half their set from that album, and they were very French. Complimented the sunset very well.
6. Flaming Lips - Oh boy. Wayne got into a plastic bubble and 'desended from outer space' as the crowd carried him around. Animal suits, spotlights, video screens proclaiming this was the best day of our life, singing happy birthday to Beck...so much fun. Definitely the most fun show of the festival.
7.5. Basment Jaxx - Jackie and I sprinted to the stage, to arrive just in time for "Red Alert" and another song with special guest Dizzee Rascal. The best dance interlude of the weekend. At this time, I was no longer in control of my body. Best timing ever!
7. The Cure - Um yeah...I bit boring, to be honest. They did play a lot of the hits, but I think the post-festival meltdown was just beginning. There's really nothing exciting about Robert Smith. Sorry, goth brigade, that's jut how I feel. Hate me too; it's what you do best.

Overall, with everything - the art, the sculpture, the music - it was exhausting, but I can't wait to do it all again next year...maybe *wink*. Two full days of my favorite bands - I needed this experience and it was everything I'd hoped for. Oh, and there are mountains everywhere!!! It's so great, like nothing I've ever seen. The West Coast is a world of its own.

Tomorrow, San Diego wrap-up...now, back to the commercials!

No...no recap yet...

Listen, it's not like I can come back from vacation and spend all my time basking in the soothing memories which make up the Coachella Experience. I still have to work, and plan a bachalorette party, and go clubbing at Forest Post and play softball...AND CHUCK WOOLERY (more on that in a moment). I assure you, Saturday will be the official recap...promise.

So, last night was a hip hoppin' good time at Forest Post Productions, thanks to Club Forest's 20th birthday. Happy effin' birthday, FPP. The staff, once a year, revamps their entire facilities and it's one big bash. Free drinks, martini bar, oxygen bar (huh?), kareoke, live jam sessions and free USP ports. Score! Well, the highlights of the night include seeing Jackie drunk(?) and the realization that Cosmos really are tasty. Dangerously tasty. Like, so tasty you shouldn't drive home. Anyhow, it was holy double-take time when Ron and I stepped out onto the patio. Who was that perfectly chishled, Miami Vice blazer-wearing, errily tan gentleman hanging out with us wacky broadcasters? Yep, it was Chuck Woolery, but that's not the kicker. Every single person I talked to had no idea why he was there. Oh, he partook in the oxygen bar while getting a back rub down from a similarly tan and slightly more leathery woman, but not a single person could place why he was hanging out at Club Forest. Jeff got his picture taken with him. Yep, it was celebrity time, and let's face it, you know I wanted to get all up in his grill as yell "The Love Connection was da bomb!"...but I remained calm and headed for the kareoke bar.

I'm a huge poser when it comes to kareoke. I talk a good game, but there isn't any follow-through. Cluck, cluck baby. Anywho, through peer pressure (as per usual), I got up there and sang the only song I felt fitting - "Hot In Herre". You see, Nelly and I have this strange psychic connection...like he's my dawg. Anywho, I brought the house down and even gained a backup dancer mid-song. But the show stopper was clearly Scott Bakala, who sang "American Pie" with the words from Wierd Al's Star Wars parody. He knew every goddamn word...amazing. Scott also did me a great service: I now know all the words to "Yellow Led Better." The real words. Not the shitty melody I make up because Eddie Vedder sounds like a bumbling fool. The weight on my shoulders? Gone.

May I give a shout out to Jackie for her rendition of No Doubt's "Hella Good"? Job well done! There was also a little ass shaking thrown in for good measure. Shake a little ass and the chorus sounds just a bit sweeter.

Well, off to read comics after a tough comeback attempt during softball; we lost 14 to 7. Oh well, I suck anyway.

Coachella 2004 recap tomorrow, bee-hahtches!!!

I'm missing you, California

Okay people, simmer down. Just walked into the apartment. Work is going to truly, absolutely suck big fat ones. So hard to say good-bye to Cali. Not sure when the Coachella recap will begin; too much to talk about. Like, volumes. For the music enthusaist only...probably won't be until Saturday. Hold your horses because it will all be worth it.

Trust me. Would I let you down?