Why, Gideon Yago, why must you continue to try and look like Ron Smerigan? There can be only one...and you lose! Ron wins! You're beard will never be cool!!! You are a bandwagon jumper and Ron is a trend setter. Word.

Show of the Year...yeah, you heard me...

To quote Wonderderf, I was totally rocked from head to toe. I thought I had been to a rock show before, but I was so very wrong. It was a looming wall of flashbulbs schronized behind the band. It was costume changes. It was falsettos and six minute guitar solos. It was The Darkness and it was BEAUTIFUL. A few highlights (and lowlights which ended up becoming highlights) and words of advice:

1. DO NOT order the mushroom burger at Bo's - it will hate you and almost kill you.

2. For a sold out show at Clutch Cargo, I was surprisingly comfortable - in the sense that I didn't pass out or was made to look at sweaty back all night.

3. We almost sacrificed a 12-year old kid from the balcony. We called out for his blood after he rained down on us a sanitary napkin (unused, for the record) and other strange pieces of trash.

4. We were behind the two more unbelievably male males I've every seen up close. The phrase "boo-yah" was used as a real exclamation and lots of fist-hits and back slaps were witnessed. Chris pointed out that these gestures very well may have been homosexual tendencies. But later on we became their friends (see #3 and #5).

5. We all rallies the troops around us to throw down the opening band - WHO WERE FUCKING TERRIBLE - avoid The Wildhearts at all costs! Metal in the cheesiest, out-of-print textbook-cliche sort of way.

6. Ron's golden moments of the night: in describing the opening band: "they sound like the bad rock music you'd hear in a Doritos commercial." And in describing the second of Justin Hawkin's costumes: "Rockosaurus."

7. While we're on the subject of Justin's costumes, they were as follows: black, studded leather pants with no shirt; neon and silver tiger-print jumpsuit with feathers running up the spine (see #6); and my personal favorite hot pink and white striped jumpsuit.

8. Justin had us all in the palm of his hand. We didn't even have to try; we were instantly putty. So much clapping. Oh Lord, so much clapping.

9. Two thumbs up for the Darkness.

10. I almost had a love seizure when Justin decided to climb on top of a bodyguard's shoulders as he was carried through the crowd WHILE playing his guitar solo. I get weak just thinking about it.

And, needless to say, the hip Detroit posse I went with made the night all worth while. To Chris, Matt, Gary, Ron and Albert: to those about to rock, I salute you. We are a kareoke trainwreck ready to take over the world!

Tomorrow: Death Cab for Cutie/Ben Kweller - more good times with more great rock and roll friends! Until later, have a pleasant today.

Embrace the Darkness

Two more days...two more long, drawn out days that I must wait before I go fucking bannanas for British rockers with bad teeth and tight knickers. Possible show of the year...a seriously good time will be had by all. And is it just me, or does the sun shine a little bit brighter when Jon Stewart uses the phrase, "aw, snap!"?

Off to rock out Detroit style with American Mars; I heart steel pedal!

Who's the guy from 21 Jump Street?

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! For all of you Homestar Runner fans, it's a brand new toon! Watch Strong Sad practice tai chi, Homestar lay down the law, and the Cheat be as cute as ever!

Why I'm looking forward to the Death Cab For Cutie show: "you want me to write you letters but I'd rather loose your address." Straight from the heart, ya'll.

Have a good Thursday evening!!!

Countdown to the Darkness

Four more days...

Sunday is a day for worship, my friends and on March 28th, it is surely not a day of rest. The Darkness will arrive in Pontiac on Sunday and I will not be the same. Survey says I'll loose my friggin' mind - and love every sequined, sweaty minute of my madness. Pick up a copy of the new Real Detroit; there's an interesting tidbit about the pathetic lows NME has stooped to. Early in the career of the Darkness, NME was pretty shitty to them, making personal attacks and generally bashing them. Well, now the band absolutely refused to do an interview with them. And the editor of NME as physically gotten down on his knees and begged them, but to no avail. Q actually put them on a recent cover with Justin holding a huge snake; it couldn't be more wonderfully phalic. Moral of the story: it's awesome to be famous because you can shit on the people who have royally shit on you. Score one for the Darkness!

Has anyone heard of The Wildhearts? They are the opening act...

Later, kool kidz!

I'm on the fence here: a case (24 cans) of Pimp Juice is 48 dollars. But it's Pimp Juice! I could be drinking Pimp Juice; that would make me a suave muthafucker. Um...my birthday's coming up in July. Make a mental note.

I Heart Pirates

Yeah, ya'll heard me. A beautiful face, a fashion mullet, a black neck scarf and pirate boots. You are from NYC and I'm totally crushing. Diego, the lead singer of Elefant, has to be scoring major ass every night of the tour. With only 35 people in the audience last night, it mattered not; he probably received action from all the ladies in the house, except from me, natch. The eyes, the cheekbones, the way he watches his mic cord twirl around and around and around: butter, people. I shant tell a lie; he's arty as fuck, but I'm still crushing. Oh, and the music was great; I loved both of the new songs. The drummer was en fuego, though horribly out of place - a man possessed by the pure passion of drumming out of control. He was holding it down for the "D" with his t-shirt. Someone went shopping at Pure Detroit earlier that evening! And the wrestlers...I probably won't do it justice here, so let's just say there were stocky shirtless men in tight flame-embroidered shorts carrying championship belts walking though The Shelter for Sunday Night Heat, St. Andrews-style.

And I have to admit that I am currently torn between my relationship with Ron and my relationship with my brand new suede body pillow. Both comforting in their own unique way, but it's highly likely that Ron will win me over, since he talks and breathes and buys me things. It's looking like the beginning of the end, pillow.

My new favorite thing: Will Ferrell as James Lipton. "I think you're confusing too, but it's the kind of confusing that makes me feel good." Bless you, William. And if you don't own "Old School," leave your homes and find some enlightenment at the local Best Buy. Vince Vaughn is a friggin' genius (for another great Vaughn performance, watch "Made" with Jon Favreau; one of the most painfully funny performances I've ever seen.)

Also, for all you nay-sayers out there, 20th Aniversary edition of Trivail Pursuit is really fun! I actually won four pies. For me, that's a personal victory. And to quote my friend Cyn Dog, my final dying words have to be "You look cool....uhhhhh." Battle Royale, baby!

Can you believe it's been 10 FUCKING YEARS since Kurt Cobain died??? Thanks a lot, Spin. I'm officially old and I'm not even a quarter century yet. Poops.

Okay, I'm outta here. Rawk on.

Ticketmaster R.I.P

Since Tower Records is going through that whole nasty Chapter-11 bankruptcy thang, the Tickemaster outlet in Birmingham is closing as of 3/23. POOPS MAGEE! The one place that we were all guaranteed a service charge not equivalent to the Grand Canyon, gone! Oh, you can go to Marshall Fields but you have to pay in cash or have a MF charge card. More poops. I guess we must move on...fuck ticketmaster.com, fuck it up its stupid ass.

Let's switch gears, shall we? Arrested Development rant: so funny...it's going into the weekly schedule...David Cross using acrobatic spy techniques??? James Lipton working with prison inmates??? Henry Winkler and his throw-back to the Fonz in the courthouse bathroom??? A woman who doesn't understand what a 'blooper reel' is??? A SEEING EYE DOG TERRORIZING A PUBLIC PARK??? Good times, indeed. American Idol rant: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PENCIL SALESMAN STILL DOING IN THE COMPETITION? It just makes me crazy. He's a terrible singer and he looks like a shmuck. He jumps around on stage like a seven-year old that has to go to the bathroom. I feel some serious questions should be raised about whether or not America is really voting here.

Very much looking forward to this weekend..."Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind," Elefant, a wedding shower, chillin' in Flint town with J for Cynthia's birthday...it don't get no righter! Okay, back to work now. Tonight: a hard rockin' good time with local favorites and good lookin' dudes Today I Wait at Alvin's(www.todayiwait.com).

Editorial Correction

My surprise at Everlast's cameo in the new Cypruss Hill video has no merit. Everlast was in House of Pain, not Cyprus Hill. My mistake. Feel free to publicly shame me. Thanks.

Random Thoughts on my Day of Rest

1. Incubus needs to go on the "S.C.I.E.N.C.E" Tour, play every track from that album and none of their shitty new stuff. Really, it can be done and the fans will go NUTS for "A Certain Shade Of Green."

2. Buffy The Vampire Slayers is AWESOME! Two more seasons to go??? Not enough. Joss, my hat is tipped to you. Bravo.

3. Though Buffy is quality television, "Homicide: Life on the Street" beats the living crap out of it. I just bought season 3 and season 4 is on hold. THE most underrated television show in the history of the boob tube with an Emmy win too late. Bummer.

4. After seeing Dashboard Confessional cover REM's "Automatic For the People," I have to tip my hat to C. Carrabba and the rest of the DC crew. Thank you Amber! They did a decent job...EXCEPT for "Find the River." Yeesh. But Master Stipe gave his approval with as co-lead vocalist on "Drive" and "Hands Down." As Ron says, even if Micheal Stipe doesn't write it, when he sings any song, it just sounds more important. And the gravelly voice is a plus, Mike: keep smoking a pack a day. We love it!

5. When I shake my groove thing to Rob Bass' "It Takes Two," I am truly a happy person.

6. A small, yet significant, part of me wants to be a Sevin waterfall dancer. I love when I catch them looking bored up there on the platform. Take a breather, girls; those hot pants are awful tight...and hot.

7. Ron TOTALLY looks like Jonathan Riker from "Star Trek: NG." Good call, Shawn.

Now, I must clean and prepare for the coming of the parents. Have a great Sunday...oh, and before I forget, does anyone know when Elefant tickets go on sale? I'm gonna scoop it up! And for all of you that have HBO, "Sopranos" season premier is tonight.

Laters!

Weirdness of the Day

Has anyone else seen the new Cyprus Hill video? No really, they're still around. How about THESE for cameos: Wilmer Valderrama (Fez from That 70s Show), Tim Armstrong (actually playing on the track), Everlast (doesn't B-Real want to kill him?) and Slash (same hat, same sunglasses)? That's fucked up.

75 cent beer tonight, volleyball tomorrow and the judging eyes of my parents on Sunday. It's a full weekend! That is all. Go in peace.

Yes, Ron is the one who introduced me to the world of Buffy. Yes, Ron is the one that put all of the "Firefly" episodes ino the Netflix cue. Let's make it official: I owe everything Joss Whedon-related to Ron Smerigan. I hope we're all happy and that all toes are safe from being stepped on. Now go sit in your tower and nap.

Giddy Day

You know what I love about professional voice over talent? You think they create this ideal voice, but that moody deep tone of voice is how they really sound! So when he is telling fart jokes and he talks about me watching him pee, he has that damn Radio and Television voice and it CRACKS ME UP! I sat in and timed out voice over sound bites for the first Med Air show. I get more and more excited as the pieces come together: the graphics, the voice over, the soundtrack: it's a real television show!!! A real Discovery television show! Now we're looking to rent an actual theater to have the premiere. With shrimp cocktail and a plane-shaped cake and everything! And today it's sunny and I'm getting my car fixed for cheap and I'm using my two-for-one coupon at the WAB tonight (you rule, Renee!) and it's a good day. A damn good day, indeed.

Um...anything else? Not at the moment. Time to grocery shop and pay some billz. And KICK ASS NEWS OF THE DAY: Joss Whedon is writing the next arc of one of the X-Men series. The Two become One!

Bye-Bye 4 Now.

Reason #25,671 why I love Internet radio

Has anyone (besides Ron) heard of Snow Patrol? Their single is "Light Up" and it's beautiful, very orchestral and whisper-like. Why is it that I can't get enough of British boys with breathy singing voices?

Oh, and 89X is now playing Bright Eyes...here it comes...I LIKE EMO, BUT WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH HIM SO HE CAN STOP WHINING? He seriously sounds like he is in pain, like with a stomach cramp - whining isn't singing; whoever told you that just lied to you. So you're sipping wine and you're alone and you're making out in someone's car: you are not convincing me. If anyone likes Mr. Oberst, I mean no disrespect to you, only to his shitty band.

Wow...I'm usually not this negative when it comes to music, unless I'm talking about The Durst. Sorry, had to get that out. I feel much better. Well, off to a hard rock show tonight to see Walls of Jericho: she is five feet tall and mean as hell. I'll observe from the bar.

Laters!

Ridin' on the top of a cop car

So, compared to most, I wasn't up to par but I did try to be a rock star. But the real rock stars were the krazy MCR kidz (Matt, Derf and Ryan). Does ANYONE know about the cinder block story??? I'm dying to find out...

All in all, a great weekend was had by all. Good rock and Coney with Chris and Ron. I have discovered that if pushed to the absolute edge, I will drink Molson and I will enjoy it. To any French chicks that play bass and sing badly: don't. More gay men should employ backup dancers and start rapping. Leaving Rouge should be in all of your CD players right now (I was hoping for some guitar destruction but nay, not the right time). Back in Spades made my soul shake. I saw a guy who looked just like Wayne Cohen but sounded EXACTLY like Tom Waits - odd. Prime Ministers dug into their bag of tricks and pulled out a Sensitive Clown fan favorite. Upset that I didn't get to witness a quality croch grab at the Thuderbirds Are Now show. More upset that I didn't get to see Meg White's drunk boobs in person. Question still standing: what IS the Holbrook Cafe when there isn't a rock show?

And props to Motor City Rocks for their stint on Motor City Riffs: ya'll sounded great, but Bill Walter's mic was shit. Matt's back in the radio game!

Back to work...peace out...oh, and if anyone cares, "Firefly" should have never been canceled; this choice from the network that brought you "The Littlest Bride" and "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiance." Thank you, DVD technology, for bringing more Joss Whedon into my life!

Am I part of a scene?

Has it come to this? Am I...no, I can't be...but I did enjoy myself and did rub up against local celebrities...oh, what the hell, I'll be a hipster, if only for the next four days!

Last night's pre-Blowout shindig made my ears very happy. Got to see what all the buzz was about and which buzz should cease and dissist right now. But never one to wallow in the negative, I cut right to the gravy. Kick-ass performances of the night were Saturday Looks Good to Me, The Avatars, Midwest Product, and Esquire. If you have never seen Esquire, then you are not a man and you need to come see what a real one looks like. He is most flamboyant man flanked by two hot go-go dancers I've ever seen. And he can rap...hell, he invented it! A bit rock, a bit hip hop ("THE PAIN!"), and bit beep-boop electronic, I came away with some new bands to add to the collection. Sweet. No doubt Motor City Rocks will have a fine review of all the shennanigins.

Tonight, taxes will be done and cash money will be reaped...hopefully. I have this strange paranoia this year that I will have to pay. We'll find out tonight, won't we?

And the dragon comes in the NNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

My Ideal Real World

Miles of smiles for this San Diego season...and there are now new role models for me to look up to! Move over Frankie, Robin is now the official Cry Baby of Real World San Diego. Can a conversation occur after three in the morning without tears? Is it possible for you not to freak out when someone is pointing out something irresponsible that you've done? Isn't it about "growing as a person and learning about yourself?" And Brad is now the coolest guy in the house; rolling his eyes at Robin the next day said it all - I'm with ya, bro, dump the drama! Now, I wouldn't qualify myself as "small town," but if I see people doing cocaine and being humped by 20 year old women in my presence, I'm getting the FUCK out of there! That's not be close-minded, that's having common sense!

So, my bosses just got back from London today, and I have the coolest shirt in the world. If your shirt is cooler than mine, then you are wrong and I feel bad that no one has told you that to your face yet. Three words: Mullets Get Chicks, which reminds me, I need to travel more! So much landscape to cover, and I only have three more quarter centuries left. Lots of places still on my list: Boston, Maine, Virginia Beach, Colorado, Austin, Arizona, Las Vegas, NYC, Philidelphia; and on a global scale, England, Spain, Italy, Germany and Amsterdam. No problem, right? Yeesh...

Strapping on my rawket pack for the next four days: I'm ready to be blown out by Hamtramck. I'm really excited; I don't think you can get much more for 15 dollars; lots of local buzz bands that I've never seen. The most action pact day will actually be tomorrow during the Pre-Party. The Blowout hasn't even peaked out its head and already we get a taste of Esquire, The Waxwings, Saturday Looks Good To Me and Pas/Cal. Wah-hoo!

And can "Scrubs" get any funnier? Nay. I love Good Tuesday TV!

Oscar, you're no grouch

It couldn't have been any sweeter. In a word: sweep, and a well deserved sweep at that. "The Return of the King" 's Oscar success has given geeks around the country the legitimacy that they've been looking for all their lives. Will this prevent their lunch money from being stolen? Probably not. Will the bullies of the world lay off on all of the wedgies? Not likely. BUT 11 OSCARS CAN'T BE ALL BAD, CAN THEY? I, for one, count this as a victory for the entire trilogy, because though this masterpiece is divided thrice, that doesn't mean it isn't one story. Tolkien wrote "Lord of the Rings" as one book with three parts. You can't not take the first two installments into account when awarding this last installment. It's a package deal, folks, and I though I wanted to die on Trilogy Tuesday, the Oscar limelight has made me glad that I was able to experience it. Long live Lord of the Rings!

Great Oscar observations:
1. Billy Bush wanted to get laid BADLY...and was so fired after the show. (I'll just shove SIR BEN KINGSLEY out of the way so I can interupt Sandra Bullock)
2. Owen Wilson is my new personal hero ("are those real?")
3. Ron and Big Matt are trendsetters - welcome to the Year of the Half Beard!
4. "Can I get some more vacuum in the monitors?"
5. It's a shame Sean Penn didn't punch anybody.
6. I learned that the Coppalas are the Hollywood Kennedys - they're EVERYWHERE, they just took different last names.
7. Fran Walsh has a garden on her head...how very Kiwi.
8. I love animatronic Richard Taylor (Mr. Cue Card Reader).
9. Do we really care about sound editing...does ANYBODY?
10. Where was Orlando Bloom? Being hot somewhere else? Unacceptable.

Have a Happy Monday. Back to work for me!